Now that I have a child I have been thinking more concretely about the elements of raising a child, and less about some fantasy optimum situation.

When you have a child you hear a lot about television, and toys. Specifically how much, if any television, and the sort of learning toys or active toys that are appropriate for children. For the most part I would like to tell all those who have advice about these things to blot it out their ass (though I will be offering my own opinion here, duh. I should point out though that I have already blown it out my own ass, saving a step in the whole process. No need to thank me).

First television, or at least the television that was. I am not currently trying to keep my baby away from television, though I also don’t watch dumb-ass baby shows (with minor exceptions(Classical Baby).), so the baby has little interest in the television (though she loves end credits, for some reason). I do find most of the modern kids shows to be mind numbing, and there will be no Barney or the like going on in this house, but that isn’t to say that all things that were ever televised for kids is bad, and in some cases I think that having watched them I am a better person. several of these stick out so clearly in my mind that I think they are part of how I am today, good or bad. Thinking that I am good, however, these are the things I will expose my child to, in hopes that she develops memories of them like I have.

Schoolhouse Rock
There are a large number of these on the internet, but a few leap out as my favorites:

My Hero Zero

Three is a Magic Number

Conjunction Junction

Interjections!

Sesame Street
Have you watched any new Sesame Street episodes? They suck. Elmo should be beaten to death with a tire iron, for example. The classic episodes have a wealth of good stuff, though, and these are just a few of my fond memories from childhood.

Rubber Duckie

Pinball (favorite of all)

Ladybugs’ Picnic

The Alligator King

Commercials
I have always thought that most of the best of television was in the commercials, and here are some of my favorites from over the years.

I’d Like to Teach the World to Sing

Tootsie Pop (3!)

Tootsie Roll

I’m a Pepper

Mean Joe Green

Macintosh

Two All Beef Patties

Toys
Let me first say that I hate toys that make noise. I think they stifle the child by doing the work of the imagination are are just entertainment devices. I think that some of the educational toys are fine, but that for the most part they have a short useful life. I’m not sure if my girl child will react to toys in the same way as I did when I was a child, but I can only judge my own memories. When I think back, it wasn’t the flashing lights and real sound robot that was my favorite but rather some other classics.

Tinker Toys
I always wanted more of these than I had, and I never really got good at building with them, but loved them al the same.

Lincoln Logs
I actually already bought these for my daughter, and I played with them now, and enjoyed it. I am going to have to get more though because you need a lot of them if you want to build more than a simple building.

Erector Set
I never had one of these as a child, but wanted one, and now I am not an engineer, so I blame the fact that I was erector setless.

Legos
One can never have too many legos. Duplo or other large blocks are worthless though.

Barbie
I admit that I have never really played with Barbie, as I am all man, but they seem like a good toy, and it will encourage my daughter to be skinny and pretty at any cost

G.I.Joe
The big G.I. Joe is the perfect compliment to any Barbie doll, as he can go off and kill the enemy by day and return to Barbie’s home cooked meal in the evening.

I know that girls may not tend towards playing war, but even now I look at this Amazon search result and get excited.

Let the brainwashing commence.

Check out this newest report in the all-baby news.

This certainly came a surprise to us as she had only really begun crawling a couple of days earlier.

We think it is possible that this baby is actually eight and a half months old and has been lying to us all along. She is pretty sneaky, so I’ll have to keep an eye on her.

I found this recipe. It says it is for German or Dutch babies, but I think you could modify it to work with whatever baby you had on hand.

recipe

GERMAN (OR DUTCH) BABIES

Recipe By :
Serving Size : 1 Preparation Time :0:00
Categories : Main Dish

Amount Measure Ingredient — Preparation Method
——– ———— ——————————–
-ÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿ

Ingredients:
3 eggs, room temperature 1/2 cup milk 1/2 cup
all-purpose flour 1/2 tsp salt 2 tblsp butter, melted
2 tblsp lemon juice confectioner’s sugar Butter either
one 12? ovenproof skillet, or four 6? ovenproof
skillets (pie or cake pans may be substituted). Beat
the eggs until thoroughly mixed. Add the milk and
blend well. Sift together flour and salt, and add
slowly but continuously to the egg mixture, whisking
as you do so. Add the melted butter, and whisk til
batter is smooth. Pour into pan or pans and bake at
450 for 15 minutes.

The four small German babies will be done at this
point. The one large one requires another 10 minutes
of baking, with the oven reduced to 350. After
removing from the oven, sprinkle with the lemon juice
and dust with confectioner’s sugar. Serve at once
while hot.

–

Strange that they didn’t mention exactly what size baby to use, but I guess you just have to experiment till you get it right.

Bon Appetit!

I am still around, but not so much alive. The cause of this is, of course, my newborn daughter.

Sorry I didn’t get the report in sooner, but here it is now. She was born on Monday the nineteenth at 8:37 in the morning. Weighing in at eight pounds six point nine ounces and measuring twenty one and a half inches.

Her name is Winifred Jane.

Wife has written up a much more involved telling of what transpired over at the agwieland site, but for those who don’t like to read, you can skip directly to the pictures on Flickr.

To those of you who are about to say how cute she is and what-not, I say, what did you expect?