Now that I have a child I have been thinking more concretely about the elements of raising a child, and less about some fantasy optimum situation.
When you have a child you hear a lot about television, and toys. Specifically how much, if any television, and the sort of learning toys or active toys that are appropriate for children. For the most part I would like to tell all those who have advice about these things to blot it out their ass (though I will be offering my own opinion here, duh. I should point out though that I have already blown it out my own ass, saving a step in the whole process. No need to thank me).
First television, or at least the television that was. I am not currently trying to keep my baby away from television, though I also don’t watch dumb-ass baby shows (with minor exceptions(Classical Baby).), so the baby has little interest in the television (though she loves end credits, for some reason). I do find most of the modern kids shows to be mind numbing, and there will be no Barney or the like going on in this house, but that isn’t to say that all things that were ever televised for kids is bad, and in some cases I think that having watched them I am a better person. several of these stick out so clearly in my mind that I think they are part of how I am today, good or bad. Thinking that I am good, however, these are the things I will expose my child to, in hopes that she develops memories of them like I have.
Schoolhouse Rock
There are a large number of these on the internet, but a few leap out as my favorites:
My Hero Zero
Three is a Magic Number
Conjunction Junction
Interjections!
Sesame Street
Have you watched any new Sesame Street episodes? They suck. Elmo should be beaten to death with a tire iron, for example. The classic episodes have a wealth of good stuff, though, and these are just a few of my fond memories from childhood.
Rubber Duckie
Pinball (favorite of all)
Ladybugs’ Picnic
The Alligator King
Commercials
I have always thought that most of the best of television was in the commercials, and here are some of my favorites from over the years.
I’d Like to Teach the World to Sing
Tootsie Pop (3!)
Tootsie Roll
I’m a Pepper
Mean Joe Green
Macintosh
Two All Beef Patties
Toys
Let me first say that I hate toys that make noise. I think they stifle the child by doing the work of the imagination are are just entertainment devices. I think that some of the educational toys are fine, but that for the most part they have a short useful life. I’m not sure if my girl child will react to toys in the same way as I did when I was a child, but I can only judge my own memories. When I think back, it wasn’t the flashing lights and real sound robot that was my favorite but rather some other classics.
Tinker Toys
I always wanted more of these than I had, and I never really got good at building with them, but loved them al the same.
Lincoln Logs
I actually already bought these for my daughter, and I played with them now, and enjoyed it. I am going to have to get more though because you need a lot of them if you want to build more than a simple building.
Erector Set
I never had one of these as a child, but wanted one, and now I am not an engineer, so I blame the fact that I was erector setless.
Legos
One can never have too many legos. Duplo or other large blocks are worthless though.
Barbie
I admit that I have never really played with Barbie, as I am all man, but they seem like a good toy, and it will encourage my daughter to be skinny and pretty at any cost
G.I.Joe
The big G.I. Joe is the perfect compliment to any Barbie doll, as he can go off and kill the enemy by day and return to Barbie’s home cooked meal in the evening.
I know that girls may not tend towards playing war, but even now I look at this Amazon search result and get excited.
Let the brainwashing commence.